A Minor Journey dot com.

I do try to be positive and not moan on my blog posts. It’s unfair I think to rant too much. But please let me moan today. And I’m a little scared too, to be honest.

I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned it on here but some of my close friends will know that I’ve been suffering for ages now with what can only be described as random muscle pains. Some days it’s a bearable dull pain in one or other of my legs or arms. Most days I get a dull pain in both my feet, like I’m walking on bruises all the time. My feet very often swell up and I get used to my feet hurting when I walk.

Sometimes my knees go strange and very often my upper arms and forearms feel like someone’s digging the occasional hot poker into my arm. Needless to say, while I’ve been suffering this for quite some time and bearing it in a typical stiff-upper lip style it seems to be getting worse.

My GP has been seeing me to try and get to the bottom of it. Blood tests have been done and while they have come back negative for Arthritis (a big relief) they’ve turned up a potential problem with my auto-immune system. I’ve had a set of LFT tests done which came back a tad high and so I’ve got to wait until Thursday next week before a second set are done. Then hopefully we’ll know more.

However.

On Tuesday night someone decided to chop my finger off. From the inside. I’ve never felt pain like it. Seriously, it was as if some invisible force was tearing each and every part of my index finger from my right hand. No swelling. No nothing. Just excruciating pain, the likes of which I hope you never experience. Now I’ve experienced pain before after major surgery, but this took the biscuit.

‘MeriKate took me to the E.R as writing around on the floor screaming isn’t considered socially normal. The doctors there quickly took me aside. When I held my arm up my finger pain became moderate to severe. Put it down by my side and it was hell. Apparently, according to my friendly doctor there, that is typical of some form of Neurological condition. Great.

Dispatched with the highest strength tablets I’ve ever seen I headed home, still in pain. Yesterday morning I had strict instructions to go and see my GP. I was signed off work for a week, much to my horror. I also took two CoCodamol Tablets. The 30/500-mg strength, as told to by the guy in the ER. As with my previous Codeine meeting I became as high as a kite. Apparently it is also not normal to dance around the house singing badly. Nor is it normal to put an entire bottle of conditioner on your hair in the shower to make it “really soft”. A college phoned me to see how I was and apparently had great amusement in having a conversation with me which consisted of a lot of random stoned mumblings and giggles from me and a lot of laughing from her.

But the really tough thing is being off work. Off work and feeling like I’ve been put to one side and ignored. I know that’s not true but I’m finding it really hard to relax and really hard to accept what I’ve got to do - rest. I don’t see how rest will help a condition I’ve been suffering from for quite some time. I do not also see why I can’t go back to work now. Okay, my right forearm is in moderate pain today, as is my right knee - But at least I can hold a conversation and think.

I’m scared. Scared and actually quite frustrated. Lots of snippets have been passed around by the doctors… Neurological disorder… something about smooth muscle condition… LFT levels being too high….. But no-one yet has given me a straight-forward answer because I suspect no-one has one to give me.

That’s the really tough bit. Added to the fact that I feel I’m letting those six students who have exams in 10 days down - and my colleagues. And my partner. And the dogs…

So cut me some slack, and give me a hug. Or something. I’m 29 (happy birthday to me on Nov 1) and yet I feel like I’m 129… At least, my muscles do.

Thanks for putting up with the overindulgent post. Meh. Time to watch some TV.